I fasted, read my Bible, prayed, I even cried, and God did not sweep in and rescue me. This can’t be happening, God would NOT do this to me. I’m His daughter, a joint-heir with Christ, and all that other good stuff. He promised to supply all my need. If I speak to the mountain and believe when I pray I’ll have what I say. I even cast out some demons and evil spirits and my mountain remained. “What happened God?”
I felt broken, battle weary. I was baffled as to why God chose not to show up and rescue me from my mirey pit. In the midst of my brokeness I reached out for Him even more. Although I was disappointed and bewildered I knew that I could not move forward without Him. He is my anchor, my hope, my foundation. If He’s not there, I will crumble and fall.
I talked to Him in my brokeness. Let me rephrase that. I didn’t really talk, I groaned. Groaning was all that I could do, that’s how broken and weary I was, but I didn’t care. I needed to be in His presence. He knows my heart anyway, so I groaned and said “Jesus, Jesus” for a while, a long while. After a while I turned on some worship music and just sat there. Progress. Then I started praying in tongues. Then I stared and sighed. Then I got up and let Him know that I’m never letting go of Him.
So, what happened? Well, somewhere between my groanings and everything else, I knew why God didn’t show up. You see, He did show up, He never even left (Hebrews 12:1). He just did not show up the way that I was expecting Him to. Why? He gave me somethings to do and I did not do them. That’s it, pretty simple. I disobeyed God. OUCH!
I was speaking with a friend and she used an analogy of a parent and child. The child wants the parent to do something for them, the parent says “sure”, after you do the dishes. The child keeps pleading, the parent repeats the condition. As long as the child does not do the dishes, the parent will not do what they promised. I want to take that even further. Instead of doing the dishes, the child cleans their room, washes the windows, even mows the grass. These are all great things but they’re not what the parent asked. This is like what I was doing I did everything except what God asked me to do.
So, while I was broken and battle weary I learned the importance of obedience. Even if His instructions seem to have no connection to my need, my response is to obey. He knows best, His plan for my life is good, He loves me. I show my love for Him when I obey Him. So, I choose obedience, how about you?